Friday, August 3, 2012

Sit in it.

It's been a while.  I feel like it's been a lifetime since I've last written, and I can feel it starting to boil in my bones.  Like if I don't write this here post I might explode.  Even worse, what I am learning might fade into oblivion as this life rushes on, up and over me.  These words need to be written.  For my souls sake.

For my God has been doing a Number on me.  It has been a mother of a number.  I have been attempting to outrun, out-talk, and out resource this Number for some time, and God has finally sat on me.  Like glued-me-to-my-chair sat on me.  Sat on me in a way where I couldn't turn my head to the left or right or even cross my legs or anything comfortable because of the weight of this Number.  I guess my God knows this girl pretty well.  It takes nothing short of horse-blinders, duct tape, and a holy megaphone booming in my face for me to allow this Number to sink in.  

Because, since the day I made my two minute entrance into this world  (a story my mom is still telling), I have been what some might call "head-in-the-clouds-ish".  I prefer the term "thoughtful."  I am seriously always daydreaming, scheming, and thinking.  I wish it were more like Brother Lawrence where I am in constant prayer and practicing the presence of God.  Not so much.  Instead it's usually an insanely long stream of consciousness that may or may not exit my mouth at all times. Poor Greg.  His simple, "how was your day?" will turn into a monologue about how I've decided we should adopt a child, open an orphanage, or get my bangs cut.  

Being head in the clouds-ish is not really a bad thing.  But at times, I check into my head so much that I check out of my reality.  Such a tiny, fine line.  When I cross that line, my present life kind of becomes foggy.  It's like I'm sedated, slumbering through each day as I dream about what the next one holds.  It's not just my head I check into.  It's Facebook.  Pinterest.  Gmail.  Texting.  Words with Friends.  The Bachelorette (which, by the way, yay for Jeff!).  Sometimes I'm amazed at how checked out I have been in my day.  Checked out of fully loving on my girls, checked out of quality, quiet times with my Jesus, and checked out of supporting and encouraging my husband.  

And I know this is not how my God has designed this present life to be.  Consecrate yourselves.  For the Lord will do wonders among you tomorrow.   Loose translation:  be fully HERE today so that I can work wonders with your tomorrow.  I'm going to take a wild guess that consecrating myself today doesn't involve watching Teen Mom or spending hours reading Facebook statuses.  

Consecration:  (1) a solemn commitment of your life or your time to some cherished     purpose (2)  sanctification of something by setting it apart (usually with religious rites) as dedicated to God

What is my cherished purpose?  How have I set apart my day to dedicate it to the God who has given me this very day?  This breath?  This moment?  Moment by moment I make a decision: Check out or Consecrate.  And I know that if I choose to (with a little holy duct tape and horse blinders) commit each day to my Cherished Purpose that God will build upon those moments to do wonders with my tomorrow.

And the mother of a Number that God has been working on my heart is simply this:  Sit in it.  This is your life.  Sit down deeply in your beautiful mess.  Don't try to get up.  Don't strain your eyes to look forward or turn your chair around to see what is behind you.  Have purpose in your gaze.  See what I see.  Thank me for what is before you.  Set apart this present life, this moment I have given you, and fully drink of the cup I have given you.  For it is not until you do this that I will do wonders with your tomorrow.  

4 comments:

  1. Rach I needed this! It was just the other day that I thought she hasn't written a post in a long time, I could use one!! You are amazing and I nearly cried from this post. It will be printed so I can read it whenever I want and remember why we are here. Love you and thanks!

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  2. I am tickled at how alike we are Rachel!

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  3. Thank you friends! It feels so great to write again:)

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