It's been that kind of day. The kind of day where I haven't brushed my teeth and my darlings are still in their pajamas. They have watched more TV than usual. I haven't done a ton of cleaning, and I've spent a lot of time researching various matters on the internet. Important matters. Such as what all my friends are up to on facebook.
If I'm being honest, I'm feeling guilty about my day. I should be doing pumpkin-themed crafts with my four year old and posting it on facebook for the world to see. I should be making some sort of comfort food dish for my husband when he walks in the door. I should be working on projects that I've left unfinished, and I should probably do something about that massive pile of laundry that's hissing at me in the corner. And, according to Madeline, I should take a shower. Should. Should. Should.
Sometimes I operate as if there is some sort of invisible "should do" social audience that I am catering to. I don't know who they are, or what they look like, but they have managed to influence many of my choices throughout the day.
Darn the man.
Darn my make believe people.
There they are, these invisible people, all up in my head space, telling me what I should and shouldn't be doing. And apparently today is a five-alarm day because I've felt nothing but guilt for not visiting farmers markets or taking my girls on a stroll to talk about deciduous vs. coniferous trees. Maddie is even calling today Christopher Robin day. Without correction.
It's strange dressing this feeling with words, because I've tolerated it for such a long time...but I'm constantly feeling the pressure to always be on, always produce, and always impress. Must. not. deviate. from. this. plan. Must. be. efficient. at. all. times.
For some reason, today it makes me angry. Today I'm flipping the proverbial bird to my "should do'" invisible friends. Also, it's not really swearing when it involves make believe people.
I'm taking my day back.
Free of judgement and condemnation and made-from-scratch feelings. Who would view this day as a waste? I'm alive, I'm learning, my children are playing together and are hanging out with Bubble Guppies and Octonauts. I need today to be like this. And God knows that.
I know Who holds my day.
I know who my invisible Audience is. He is the One that I'm aiming to please. And since my God made His Rachel this Way, He knows that I need some time to lay low, rest my heart, brain, and body. I need this lazy day in order to fully face the days ahead of me this week. My children and husband need rest. And what I am (not) doing today holds importance of Kingdom proportions.
So my invisible friends can take up residence in someone else's conscience.